The Pricey Ones

I am not made of money. Bring on the 2-for-1, the half-price and the winter specials. However, one day I plan on being a multi-gapillionaire (although I haven’t figured out how) and, when I am, it’s this section of my Bucket List that I’ll refer to. (Although I may first need to contact some insurance companies to find out who will cover me.)

The Most Expensive Food in the World

1.       Watermelon

No ordinary watermelon, the Densuke is perfectly round and pure black. It is grown exclusively on the Japanese island, Hokkaido, which only yields about 100 of these bad boys a year, each of which sells for around R48,000. It is allegedly the sweetest, juiciest melon around and has a crisp and light texture.

dansuke watermelon

2.       Caviar

Ja, ja caviar is expensive, everyone knows that. What everyone doesn’t know is just how expensive it can get. Almas Caviar, which is Persian for “diamond”, is the rarest Beluga caviar available. Taken from an Iranian centennial female sturgeon, which is a minimum of 100 years old, this pearly white fish roe reaches almost R200,000 per kg. Caviar House & Prunier in London sells the magical stuff in a 24-karat gold tin.


3.       Vodka

Hailing from Scotland, this wheat-based, triple distilled vodka is ice-filtered through Nordic birch charcoal and then passed through crushed diamond sand. The bottle itself has a central core filled with 48 unique crystals, including combinations of cubic zirconia, pink tourmaline, smoky topaz, amethyst, citrine and period, which can be used as a garnish. You also get the real deal, filled with diamonds – that’s the one I’m going for. They start at R15,000 and go up to R8,500,000 a bottle. Cool, bro.

diva vodka

4.       Meat

The capital of the Kansai region on Honshū Island, Japan, is Kobe. The black Tajima-ushi breed of cattle are raised according to strict traditions, resulting in this delicacy, renowned for its tenderness, flavour and perfectly fatty marbling. Each cow is pampered like a spoilt child; their diets are strictly controlled and, during the final fattening stage, they are fed sake and beer mash. They also receive a daily massage.  These bovines live the high-life and are worth up to R7,000 per kilo.

Kobe Meat

5.       Fungus

The famous Italian white truffles can reach 12cm diameter and 500 grams, but are usually much smaller. They range from pale cream to brown with a gentle white marbling and sell at up to R60,000 a kilo. Since they grow underground, truffles are hard to find. That’s why man has a pal or two to help—the truffle hog and the truffle dog. Hogs have an innate ability to smell and find truffles, but they can’t be trusted not to eat them. On the other hand, the truffle pooch has to be trained to find them, but won’t eat them.

6.       Potato

Who would have thought that a potato could be expensive? La Bonnotte, a kilo of which can reach up to R4,000, is grown exclusively on the island of Noirmoutier. The reason a kilo can reach up to R4,000 is that they’re almost extinct.The fertiliser has to be seaweed, which is what gives the potatoes their saltiness, and they have to be harvested by hand.

la bonnette

 7.       Coffee

Kopi Luwak, the world’s most expensive coffee, is scooped from the bums of Asian Palm Civets and their civet friends. The furry little fellows eat the coffee berries and digest the pulp. The coffee bean itself remains whole and is pooped out into the world for us to gather, wash, dry, roast and brew. At up to R10,000 a kilo, I would hope that it’s as rich, mellow and flavourful as it is rumoured to be.

8.       Cognac

Henri IV Dudognon Heritage was named after the French king whose descendants have produced it since 1776 and is “perfect for those looking for the ultimate collector’s item to hold the place of honour in their liquor cabinet”. The bottle is dipped in 24-carat-gold and sterling platinum and is then bedazzled with 6,500 diamonds, and costs a mere R15,000,000.


So, when I am a multi-gapillionaire, I’m going to have all of these in my kitchen. In the meantime, I better start looking into that insurance cover.

Craft Beer on show at great value at Woodstock Grill & Tap

Curry & Comedy at Radisson Blu Waterfront