Grind me more! Thoughts on pepper.

It’s a topic that caused a heated debate. Harsh words were said. Punches were thrown. Gangs flocked the streets. All because the simple question was asked about whether or not people liked waiters to grind their pepper for them.

I have always hated it. I’m a huge salt and pepper lover and I like to add it as surreptitiously as possible – because people always judge me. So when a waiter rocks up at my table, carrying the Eiffel tower of pepper mills and gives a feeble “shweeeep shweeep” it does nothing for me. To top it off, I hear that giving a cheeky wink and breathily saying, “Can I have another grind?” is inappropriate. Party poopers.

My vigorous research (a 3-minute look on the interwebs) has enlightened me unto why people may like the “shweeeep shweeep” sprinkle of pepper.

1. Restaurant God.

These people obviously need a little positive reinforcement in life in general. They’re the ones who like waiters to put serviettes on their laps, refill their wine and then take them home and give them a good….. Uh, ya.

2. You disgust me.

Then there are the ones who only go to restaurants to prove that they aren’t reclusive health freaks. They’re the ones who bring their own knife and fork, table wipes and cant bear to touch the grinders in case “a dirty child has put it in their mouth”

3. Will you be my friend.

Thirdly, we have the people who dine alone and desperately want a friend. Now don’t get me wrong, I will eat alone with no qualms – I am talking about the folk who use every instant of momentary togetherness, to foster a friendship. “Oh, you are grinding my pepper? Where did you learn to do that? Oh you went to UCT? I didn’t. But I would have. I want to be a psychologist. One day maybe. What do you want to be? Sit down, let’s chat”

4. It’s like, totally organic.

For some reason people believe that pepper in waiter-grinders will be fresher than that which is on tables. The waiter grinders get changed more often or something. I cant prove or disprove this, but it sounds like codswallop to me.

Anywhoo, since I am none of the above, personally I like to grind my own pepper. If restaurants insist on the Eiffel-grinder, at least have the option on a table-grinder too – that way everyone can be happy you pretentious bastards.

FoodBlogCT News Week 25 2012

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