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Beefcakes Review

I’ve been to Beefcakes twice and on both occasions I have two feelings which stick out above all others. 1. Happy and 2. Drunk.

Beefcakes, is a 50’s style burger bar found in the heart of Greenpoint. Pretty much everything is pink or white, including the decorative flamingos, piano and glitter balls. There’s a stage filled with props like hats, wings, masks, glasses, boas’ etc etc given to customers to wear. It’s kitsch, its over-the-top and it’s a really, REALLY good time, especially because of the live entertainment held 3 nights a week. I have been on a Tuesday for Bitchin’ Bingo with Rhys Woods and on a Thursday for the Variety Musical Drag Night where Mary Scary (who now has her own Wednesday night show) proved that she is the bitch with the biggest voice in Cape Town.

Beefcakes Green Point

Looking around Beefcakes, pretty much everyone is male and attractive. Ladies, although they may not want to get into your pants (sorry), these gorgeous examples of mankind are always full of compliments to throw your way. The staff, who are almost all jocks (generally without tops) are even more beautiful and for R200 you can get down and dirty and lick a shot off one of their ridiculous bodies.

I don’t know what the actual name is, but a cocktail called something along the lines of “Jim’s Gin Gym Gin and Gin” is incredible. Ginger, lime, gin, ginger ale – it is so good you can’t even taste the alcohol (see feelings 1 and 2 above). Another equally delicious and possibly even stronger cocktail was the “Pink Tea” which was lemonade laced with the 5 white spirits and watermelon liquor.

Each burger has the option of beef, chicken, lamb or ostrich (there is a veg option, but it isn’t made all that clear) but Beefcakes recommends their patty of choice. You can also choose between spicy wedges, chips or salad as an accompaniment.

The Pink Tandoori burger (R69) is a succulent chicken breast marinated in the tandoori sauce, topped with a spicy salsa and fresh coriander. The Chilli on the Willy burger (R69) is Mexican-style, with guacamole and fresh chilli; the Gourmet Burger (R79) was delicious, topped high with camembert, cranberry jelly and fresh rocket; and I hear that the Buffy the Hamburger Slayer (R79) with bacon, cheddar, caramelised onion, avo and a creamy mushroom sauce, is magnificent.

Beefcakes Green Point Review

If you aren’t in the burger mood, the Strip Down South Wrap (R55) will not leave you eyeing your friends burgers jealously. Lemon and black pepper chicken strips, mixed lettuce, cucumber, tomato, jalapeno, feta, guacamole with pepperdew mayo, served with salsa and sour cream and a side portion of spicy wedges and salad. It’s probably the best value for money on the entire menu. I loved it.

I was too full to try a dessert, but our waiter mentioned that Chef’s Scotch’s Chilled Cheesecake (R35) served with cream or ice cream and the Chocolate Burger (R35) a chocolate-covered doughnut, filled with cream, strawberries and passion fruit, were both popular.

Beefcakes set out to be the kind of place where, and I quote a friend, “sh*t gets buckwild”. From the moment you walk in it is like stepping into another world, where Barbie meets Alice in Wonderland meets Charlie and the Chocolate Factory meets The Smurfs meets YMCA. It’s gay, it’s proud and it is the kind of place you go for a simple dinner and end up dancing on a table singing, “It’s Raining Men” with a group of drag queens.

The food is relatively well-priced (averaging between R60 – R90) considering the generous portions. The whole experience can become a little expensive considering that most cocktails are over R35 and to go and see any of the shows or attend bingo, an extra R35 per person is added to the bill. That said, it’s worth it.

Note To Self: They also have a loyalty card which gives you 5% off your meal.

Note To Self 2: Downstairs is a male-only restaurant and bar called The Locker Room. Being female, I got bounced, but I hear it’s quite something.

Note To Self 3: Stamping your feet and yelling out, “BUT ITS NOT FAIR! I WANT TO WIN!!!!!!!” is not appropriate behaviour for bingo.

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Written by Kayli Vee

Copywriter at an ad agency and co-owner of the Foodblog Group. I heart oysters, gin and tonic, biltong and clever advertising.

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